As we humans explore our individual consciousnesses we discover that some things are appealing to us and some things are not. We generally don’t condemn things strictly because we don’t prefer them. I may think that cauliflower is disgusting but I recognize this as my own preference and I know that there is nothing inherently bad about cauliflower. You can eat all the cauliflower you want and while I may not want to watch, I have no objections. We have preferences about food, music, television, clothing, etc. We also have preferences regarding sexual attraction. Some people prefer boys and some people prefer girls. Sexual orientation varies wildly but there is one constant: it is always there.
Through my interactions with other human beings it has become apparent to me that sexual orientation is analog rather than digital. Far from rigid, it flows on a continuous spectrum and all humans lie somewhere on this spectrum. The following is a breakdown of relevant stages within the spectrum. Any quantitative breakdown of an analog system will be at least somewhat inherently incomplete so bare with me.
1) Fiercely heterosexual - the thought of homosexual sex is unpleasant.
2) Comfortably heterosexual – exclusively prefer opposite gender but not turned off by thoughts of homosexual sex
3) Mostly heterosexual – prefer opposite gender as a rule of thumb but with exceptions for specific people
4) Bisexual – truly equal preference, could go either way
5) Mostly homosexual – prefer same gender as a rule of thumb but with exceptions for specific people
6) Comfortably homosexual – exclusively prefer same gender but not turned off by thoughts of heterosexual sex
7) Fiercely homosexual – the thought of heterosexual sex is unpleasant
This scale of 1-7 is completely arbitrary so for the purposes of this writing I will refer to people being either higher or lower on this spectrum, with lower meaning more heterosexual and higher meaning more homosexual.
We are all somewhere on this spectrum. When a person defines themselves as exclusively heterosexual, this indicates that any homosexual desires they may have are completely overshadowed by their heterosexual desires. Depending on just how far down on the spectrum they are, they are quite likely to feel as if they have absolutely no homosexual desire whatsoever. They are way WAY far down on this spectrum, probably even lower than a 1 (remember the table is not exhaustive). This argument applies to someone who identifies as exclusively homosexual as well.
The extremes on this spectrum never have to choose because they are never presented with more than one option. The opposite end of the spectrum is never presented to them (by their own mind) as an option. But once you get into the 3-5 range then there does begin to be an element of choice regarding any specific situation. These people are not obligated to make a choice and stick with it steadfastly but they are presented with a choice in each potential relationship or casual sexual interaction. Typically, the more heterosexual you are the more limited your likelihood of choosing the same gender in any given situation (and vice versa the more homosexual you are).
When someone claims that homosexuality is a choice, they are implying that they themselves made this choice at some point in their lives. After all, why would they think it’s a choice if they themselves never had to make it? Based on my above argument, sexual preference is only a choice for those people who lie somewhere in the 3-5 area. Therefore if you claim that homosexuality is a choice, you have just outed yourself as being at least moderately homosexual.
This reveals a particular irony about many of those who speak out against homosexuality as something negative. The people who preach that homosexuality is something to be ashamed of are often the same people who preach that it is a choice. In other words, they are simultaneously condemning a state of mind while revealing that they themselves possess that state of mind. They probably assume that since they made a choice that everyone around them made a choice as well. If they were truly heterosexual (1 or 2 on the table) then they would know that homosexuality is NOT a choice because they would know that they never had to choose.
As a slight aside using this argument, I want to share an experience from middle school. One of the guys in my social studies class came to school wearing a shirt with a print of Nirvana’s album “Nevermind,” which contains an image of a baby swimming toward a dollar bill on a fishhook. It’s a pretty fabulous picture. But you can see the baby’s penis. A little baby penis, barely a nubbin on this human infant. Our teacher ordered him to turn the shirt inside out on the grounds that it was obscene. Not just inappropriate for school, but obscene. I personally don’t feel the shirt was inappropriate but I KNOW that it was not obscene. It’s a BABY! By saying it was obscene my teacher was implying that she herself found it obscene. This to me, indicated that my teacher had some deeply ingrained psychological trauma. In other words, she outed herself as being at least moderately perverted.
Anyway, regardless of where you lie on the table, it is in your best interest to identify your location as best you can and accept it. However, environmental factors can have incredibly powerful influence on our ability to do this. Imagine a young boy coming into adolescence in a frightfully anti-homosexual home and community. Imagine that this boy lies on the higher end of the spectrum (5-7). But everything they ever been taught is that homosexuality is evil, vile, sinful, disgusting and degrading. Perhaps they are told that homosexuality is the devil tempting him. So he does the right thing and refuses to indulge those feelings. Imagine that he is a 7 and has managed to convince even himself that he is a 1. It’s hard to imagine anything more psychologically scarring than this. You can compare it to having black hair but convincing yourself that it’s actually blonde (while believing that black hair is vile and disgusting). Every time you look in the mirror, you see your blonde hair. Every time, you have to remind yourself that it’s actually black. I think it’s pretty obvious that this would make it really hard for you to establish your identity. Adolescence is already tumultuous enough, imagine adding this onto it. The thought of it makes my stomach turn.
Now imagine a society where sexual orientation is accepted as something completely neutral, like hair color or ice cream preference. Imagine a child being raised in an environment 100 free of any stigma attached to sexual orientation. At that difficult time in his life called adolescence, when he is struggling to develop his identity and sense of self, he is not discouraged in any way from acknowledging his true feelings. He is not compelled to commit to one gender or the other but rather allowed to explore his feelings and decide for himself which gender he will choose to be in a relationship with at any given time. And he is free to change his mind, but his decisions will be based completely on his own feelings and not on any external factors. Doesn’t that sound nice? Do you think human beings will ever reach that point as a species? I sure hope so.
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